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To Walk or not to Walk…
Posted by JB on Thursday Nov 27, 2008
Starting later then most, my little girl has finally begun crawling. It has sort of been a bit of a joke around here, up until now we have been able to plunk her down and there she stayed. Of course both my husband and I knew she would soon crawl, but we have had no desire to openly encourage her.
A few of my other friend’s babies, (which are younger than mine) are already walking. For months they have been holding them up, practicing the wobbly-baby-gait. They put things on the other side of the room, enticing baby to go and get it.
I myself have no desire to reach this milestone quickly. Unlike some moms, I want my baby to stay a baby as long as she can. With my son now four, I see how quickly the time passes and I am perfectly content letting my little one happily play in one spot. When her walking playmates come to visit, I jokingly tell her to look away. If she needs something, I just go get it for her; not forcing her to walk to reach it.
I don’t think I am enabling or holding her back, just not spending those countless hours my other friends are, coaxing and supporting their children to unsteadily teeter between their legs. I am not set on the fact she start standing right away, nor am I using the date at which she began walking as a bragging right, or sign of advanced development.
We have started moving things, putting away decorations that make our house a home. The baby gates are up; the foot stool is in front of the DVD player. No more plants, uncovered plugs, loose cords or wastepaper baskets. Like all homes, the place needs to be baby proofed. What we can’t change are the toilets, a fascinating item, the slate floors in the kitchen, heated but hard on the knees, the vents in the floor that lift up so all kinds of things can go down.
With these new skills comes an insatiable curiosity. It is like they go hand in hand. As much as it is sometimes difficult, it is also amazing to see that little person being independent, moving on her own. I watch as she maps out her surroundings, tests out the stability and safety of things. To see her mind working, processing and quickly learning just which cupboard has all the fun things to play with…it’s pretty amazing really.
Both her Grammas are trying to be the one who is responsible for her beginning to walk. Every time I turn my back they are holding her up, forcing her along, and patiently waiting while she puts one foot in front of the other. What is that all about, I wonder? My son didn’t walk till fifteen months, and look at him now; he’s perfectly mastered the skill. It all evens out; all becomes unimportant in the big picture. A child doesn’t stay sitting on their bottom because no one showed them how to walk. It comes naturally and perfectly when the time is right.
So is it the moms who want to reach those milestone markers? The pride to say when their child got their first tooth, ate their first food, slept through the night or took their first step? Do we do it to brag or boost, or is it just such an exciting thing we can’t help but talk about it? Do we use it as conversation more then comparison and at the end of the day, do we really remember when any other child hit a marker other than our own?
Of course a milestone reached early does not indicate a mental or physical superiority. Some babies walk soon, but talk late. Many start solids early but potty train after the others. You never see a teenager in diapers or still or crawling, so it is safe to say they all learn it sooner or later.
As a mother, we can’t help but be proud and excited about our children’s accomplishments; it is a beautiful thing to cherish and enjoy. My advice to all those first time moms; slow down, relax and let it happen. Soon enough you’ll be looking back and wonder where your little baby has gone. The toothless grins, playing with toes, sucking thumb, gurgling laugh, it has a way of fading without notice. The new words, new independence and new discoveries all lead to that wonderful thing know as a toddler, and like the cliché goes, it all happens before you know it.
Standing on my soapbox,
JB
November 28th, 2008 at 8:05 am
I had this same conversation with a fellow mom yesterday. My daughter is now 9 mos and i’m in no rush for her to be walking, etc. A part of me already misses those wee-baby moments so much that I don’t want to push her to walking (although she seems pretty eager to do so on her own already! no rest in this house, haha).
November 28th, 2008 at 8:29 am
You are so right! Thanks JB!
There’s a great book JB called Let Me Hold You Longer which my mom gave to us when my little guy was about 7 months old. The author, Karen Kingsbury encourages parents to savor not only their children”s “firsts”–like first steps and first words–but the “lasts” as well. With the tenderness of a mother speaking directly to her child, she reminds us not to miss last days of kindergarten and last at bats in Little League amidst the whirlwind of life.
I just love the book – and while I appreciate that with a first child we are all eager to see their first’s, looking back it seems to have passed so quickly. My son who is now 17 months has always been quite advanced physically – he walked (or should I say ran) at 10 months – and I sometimes feel like I missed out on “baby world”. But his talking is much slower to progress, so I cherish the babbling and gurgles and pointing and will continue to as long as I can – an of course those sloppy kisses and hugs and cuddles that still make him my baby boy. Who knows if he’ll want to give his mama those when he’s a boy / teenager so I’ll take it while I can!
I still remember crying when he got his first tooth – tears of joy that it finally cut through and we’d maybe get some rest, and tears of sadness that there would be no more gummy grin.
December 1st, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I’m not a mom, yet. But I helped raise my little sister, and I adore my baby niece. I agree with you, when I do have kids, I don’t think its necessary to rush them. Let them be babies, it goes by too quickly. Let them crawl, its great for their motor skills, hand-eye coordination. Its part of their natural growth process.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
what a lovely post and I agree with you that you should let a baby be a baby while you can. They really do grow up so quickly! Your little muffin is so precious! You are a sweet mommy
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
You are so right! Trust me, you do not want an early crawler or an early walker ….it is a LOT more work!! I had one that crawled everywhere at 4 months, walked well at 6 months and ran faster than me at 9 months. Scary! She also got her first black eye at 7 months despite pillows everywhere. Her nature has always been to move and go fast & she remains the same today at 8 years old.
Babies really have their own timing and it serves no purpose to force a child too early. I think studies show that babies tend to crawl and walk later today partly because they spend so much time on their backs.
Tummy time is more productive in helping, rather than trying to walk a baby. Others studies show crawling before walking is essential and helps a lot with later reading.
MUCH depends on the babies personality. I remember someone saying to my walking-every-where-at-the-zoo tiny 8 month old, “what is your hurry?”. It is still her nature to be in a hurry.
Now my uncle ( who is a dentist and a professor of Dentistry at a top University) just liked to look a lot and was very mellow. He took forever to crawl and walk because he was perfectly happy being plopped on the porch to just watch. ( Some neighbors hinted that there might be something wrong with him, but it was my grandmothers 5th child, so she knew to respect his temperment).
That said, she did once recommend a remedy for my brother when he was such a good crawler, that he was not interested in walking, even though he could do it.Because it went on so long, she had my mom unsnap his pants, so that it was more like a skirt. That put a damper on his fast crawling, so he soon preferred walking.
I think girls who wear dresses or have someone do everything for them ( like lift them up stairs to slides etc) also can be slowed down on what is normal for them. I do think it is important to dress a kid for activity, honor their nature and don’t try to speed them up or slow them down, unless there seems to be a problem brewing.
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 am
I have 5 and they all walked at different times…the first one was fast! 9 months and she was all over….and after each one came I was too tired to even worry about who was walking when…. they all eventually walked! go figure!! My last two were twins, one walked 3 months before the other…he eventually figured it out and now he can’t stop running. I’m so with you on this…just let them be. I can’t stand that back and forth comparing of my baby did this and my baby did that! yyyakkk! drives me up a wall! ♥♥