Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to rewind your life for a few minutes? Have you ever said something, done something or responded in a way that seconds later, you’d wish you hadn’t?

The past week my husband and I got in a bit of a row. He started telling me some really great news about something that had happened to him and I sort of gave a half-smile and less than excited response. In fact, like a sloth or any other animal that tries to conserve energy, I nodded my acknowledgment and made a small noise in my throat instead of full words of congratulations. It was kind of a pitiful amount of effort to express my excitement and joy for him.

I have to say, it wasn’t intentional. In fact, I was happy inside, but somehow my face muscles didn’t feel like making the effort to smile and my energy level was too low to jump up and dance. In my defence, I was distracted with the kids, cooking dinner, and dealing with the pain I was having in my back from the previous day when I tried to be super mom and scoop up my 47 pound toddler after his first goal at soccer. I didn’t mean to be lackadaisy about it, but my tired mind was conserving the energy it would need to clean up the bubble bath my daughter spilled on the couch and calm the crying of my son, who thought his Spiderman jump would get him from the ottoman to the chair without falling. With my husband disappointed and mad I had to think for a moment how hard it must be on him to get so little of my attention and candid exuberance.

I have a friend who is always happy, exuberant and always has an over-the-top reaction to good news or success. In the situation with my husband I wished I could have responded like her: a huge squeal, clapped hands and vivacious hug. But she doesn’t have kids. Her mind isn’t going full throttle with play dates and school pick-ups. She doesn’t have to plan dinner, gymnastics, car pooling, birthday parties and doctor’s visits. If she sits down to read a book, she isn’t interrupted with the feather duster jammed under the stove, finger paint on the ceiling or a curious one-year old who has pulled all her feminine products out from under the sink.

I think we moms have a tough job of being silly clowns all day to our babies, playmates to our toddlers and overall do-it-all for our kids. No one can explain the amount of energy and brain power it takes to be watching, helping, teaching, training, showing, fixing, bathing, washing, diapering, playing and feeding another human being, all day, every day. And although we all love it and wouldn’t change a thing about it… the big kid in our lives (our husbands) often gets none of our attention.

Next time your husband wants to talk or share news about his day, try to listen with full attention: the cutting of the carrots can wait a minute until he is finished. Seeing your face light up with interest and excitement is exactly what he needs. Remember how much praise you show your kids, and offer some to your husband. When he has special moments, share it with the whole family and be an example to your kids how important it is to give praise, even to adults. When you body is tired and you prefer to be in sloth mode, push yourself to have some excitement. Not only will he feel good, but you will too as hugs, love and happiness really are contagious.

Whenever my husband and I hug, the kids always join in.

Standing on my Soapbox,

JB