When my first child was born I made sure I was there for every cry, every sigh, saw every milestone and witnessed every new adventure. Like all children, he was babied, spoiled, revered and completely smothered in love and attention. Early on, it was important to me that he was spoken to affectionately, fed correctly, guided gently and given the right tools and examples to become a caring person. I fought endlessly for him to be protected from things I thought he was too young for…like mindless television or processed chemical- laden food. I was considered extreme in some of my choices, and no where did I hear more about it than from my son’s grandparents.

Since he was a baby they thought I was too strict, too opinionated and followed the coveted baby’s books too closely. Constantly they told me how a little sugar never hurt anyone. They disagreed juice was considered bad and wondered why I didn’t let him use a soother. They laughed at the idea that babies like routine, and never thought it was necessary to force him to a nap.

At first I complained endlessly to my husband. They were his parents after all, and regardless of the fact that they are European, older and culturally different, I felt my rules should strictly apply to my child. I have to admit we have clashed at times over excess ice cream, letting him stay up late or allowing him to obtain his every whim. They teach him sayings I had never heard, take him places I don’t know about until after the fact and expose him to things I was not quite sure he is ready for. Granted, they are all harmless. What does it matter if my husband defends him when he says ‘oh my goodness gracious”, plays at Chuckie Cheese or goes to a neighborhood party at the cultural center? He is having fun, he is safe and they love him more than we could ever imagine.

My husband is right about his parents’ devotion to my son, but somehow my feelings, my motherly control is being vetoed by the endlessly, fun grandparents with willy-nilly rules. When things are tough at home or the day is not going exactly as my son would like, he goes looking for the phone to call his grandparents to come and pick him up.

Going to grams house often means that the “no sugar rule” is loosely enforced. The strict bedtime I have so beautifully created at home is nonexistent. He delightfully points out the store with the golden arches as the fry place Grama takes him to and has no problem letting me know that my rules are often not the rules his granddad tells him. His pants always have more grass stains after being with his grandparents, I can smell chocolate on his breath, and although he is only three, he has learned to protect them from my contrary opinions, creating a secret bond just between them.

I myself did not grow up with any grandparents routinely in my life. I missed out on that older, calmer, more peaceful companionship that often comes from the elders of the family.  I didn’t feel the importance of that relationship in my own life, so I didn’t consciously understand that relationship for my son until this year when we moved into our new house, three days before my daughter was born. Digging through the boxes my son could not find his favorite car. The upheaval and change was a lot for him and the misplacement of his favorite toy sent him into a fit of crying. When I tried to calm him he said he wanted to talk to his grandpa. We called him and after a few minutes on the phone, everything was fine. In those few moments I saw how this little child sought comfort and support in his grandfather. I realized that the love and safety he feels from them is a precious and prized gift I can only try to understand.

When I think about all the things I can give my kids, the feeling of being loved is top of my list. Money, fame and success all seem so minuscule to the power of love, companionship and closeness that comes from being with others. Exposing him to people who adore him, praise him and are there for him unconditionally is far more important that making sure he goes to bed on time or eats all the right food. If anything were ever to happen to me, I would want him to have people that make him feel loved, protect him and allow him to feel confident in who he is.  Undoubtedly, as he grows he will faces challenges and I take comfort knowing that he can rely on his grandparents, seeking out their advice and feeling safe in their presence.

In 1978, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed that National Grandparents Day would be celebrated every year on the first Sunday after Labor Day. The impetus for a National Grandparents Day originated with Marian McQuade (now age 91), a housewife in Fayette County, West Virginia. Marian McQuade and her husband Joe are the parents of 15 children. They have 40 grandchildren, and eight great grandchildren.  His primary motivation in creating this day was to champion the cause of lonely elderly in nursing homes. He also hoped to persuade grandchildren to tap the wisdom and heritage their grandparents could provide.

In honor of this day, it seems appropriate to recognize the amazing role grandparents have. Their position in our families and importance in our society is immeasurable. It is a perfect opportunity to honor them in thanks, gratitude and praise, showing them that (in my case), we may not always agree about the little things, but we are of the same mind when it comes to the unconditional love for our children.

Reach out to your own grandparents this week and encourage your kids to reach out to theirs.

Standing on my soapbox,

JB

For some ideas on what you could do with your grandparents, here is an article from http://www.grandparents-day.com.

Observance/Suggested Activities

Grandparents Day is now considered a family day. Schools, churches, and senior organizations honor grandparents with special events. Some families enjoy small, private gatherings. Others celebrate by holding a family reunion. Board games which are easily played by young and old add enjoyment to family gatherings, enhancing “intergenerational interaction”. It can be fun to have a story-telling time, allowing grandparents to relate stories of their past, enlightening children about “the old days.”

Children and/or Grandchildren can look in old family albums to identify dates and past stories. Many happy memories can be derived from this especially if the child shares with their grandparent. Everyone is a grandchild to someone and can be involved in the observance of this day - a time to discover one’s roots and learn patience, understanding and appreciation for the elderly. Grandparents Day is the perfect time to enhance communication between the generations.

Special talents, such as cooking, sculpting or quilting can be passed on to those who display an interest.  Old family music, songs and dances, along with their meanings and origins, are important in maintaining a strong sense of family background.  Together, re-construct a family tree, giving children the opportunity to learn the ancestral line of their family. Strive to preserve particular ethnic or religious beliefs.

Many times, only grandparents have answers to questions about family histories. When this information is passed down to the grandchildren, everyone can be assured of their heritage being preserved.

Along with Grandparents Day, we should not forget shut-ins and those in nursing homes who are unable to be with their families or have no families. Every effort must be made to include these people in the mainstream through cards, community projects and visitation at times other than just holidays. There are many, many elderly who are not fortunate enough to have family nearby. The need is increasing every day to fill the void of their loneliness. In every neighborhood, there are elderly who would love an opportunity to be a Foster Grandparent. Parents, churches, schools, and senior organizations, help children to adopt a grandparent creating a wonderful relationship for both them and your children.

Most important, Grandparents Day can signify a loving spirit that lives within us throughout the year–a spirit of love and respect for our elders.