We all love witnessing our children’s milestones. Be it their first step or their first home- run, watching our kids try, accomplish and succeed is always a rewarding moment. Recently we have adopted a new mantra with our kids, “teach not tell”.  With our four- year-old doing things daily to challenge both us and his curiosity, I see my husband and I often “telling” him how to proceed. We sometimes forget he is only four and allow our impatience or practicality to “tell” him what to do. As an example, with the snow here we have had to teach him that when you step in a tall snow drift you get snow down your boots and it makes your socks wet, and your toes cold. A big difference from shouting, “Don’t climb in the snow drift!” with no explanation.

It’s easy to use short sentences, loud commands and quick responses when it comes to the insistent and daunting determination of a youngster. If my son doesn’t seem to be listening, our tendency is to say it louder, instead of say it differently in a way he will better understand. Similar to learning a song, a person doesn’t learn the words just by turning up the volume; we learn it through association and repetition.

Also like a song, it is the melody or tone that we so often enjoy hearing. Kids are the same, their brain and learning center is much more likely to tune into calm and clear directions over frustrated and frazzled orders just said louder.

At my son’s floor hockey classes, one of the fathers’ continually takes the stick from his child to show him how it’s done. As the man chases after the ball he gives his son a play-by-play of what he’s doing; telling his son how to play, not truly teaching him.

Be it frustration or exasperation, it is common to tell our kids first, then teach. Of course, for a child’s safety or if in danger, telling then what is right or wrong is always best. But when you have those moments when you can get down to a child’s level and show them the way instead of tell them, you see quickly see the joy of learning in their eyes.

The TNT rule (as we often refer to it as) has even become useful as my son has begun “teaching” his sister. Showing her what toys do, when things are hot, how to use her spoon and make her mobile play songs. He used to just tell her “no” or grab something from her hand. Now the way we are treating him, he is treating others. A pretty easy rule I see has made a huge difference for all of us.

Try it in your house and let me know what you think.

Standing on my soapbox,

JB