Up until a few months ago, bed time at our house was pretty uneventful. I would read my kids a story, tuck them in, lots of kisses and cuddles and they would wonder off to sleep no problem. Somewhere though, in the last six months a new dynamic has transpired as the kids start talking to one another across the hall. At first it was a small number of words or “good-night” a few extra times, but it now it has become full blown singing, talking and telling jokes.

At first I smiled and felt happy about their private camaraderie. It was nice to see them communicating in their own unique way. After a few exchanges, I would kindly call from downstairs that it was bed time and no more talking, but each night it grew to be a bit more and more.

The last few weeks it has turned into games and getting out of bed. My son offering to retrieve a book from a shelf my daughter can’t reach, my daughter giving my son one of her stuffed animals to play with. Trips to the bathroom are now in pairs and each one makes an effort to tuck the other one in so they are the last to their own bed.

Like many things with kids, it gets pushed and pushed till the barrier is blurred and rules seem to be out the window. Lately they have carried on up to an hour after bedtime with me shouting and threatening discipline as a last resort. The other night they made two joint trips to the bathroom and had to wash their hands for what seemed like forever…patience worn thin I went upstairs to harshly put them back to bed.

As I rounded the corner into the bathroom, raising my voice at their goofing around, my son fearfully scurried into his bed, but my courageous and determined three-year-old daughter stood there and said. “Stop being a volcano mommy!”

Out of the mouths of babes, she was right; I was being a mommy volcano. I laugh about it now, but at the time, not quite as funny, though true. Since then I tell them if they don’t want to see the volcano, then they had better get to sleep. It seems to be working for the moment, but I would love to hear your comments on how you get your kids to bed or any suggestions you might have for this mommy volcano.

Standing on my soapbox, JB

My girl friend called me this weekend, it was her birthday weekend of the big 40. Her treat to herself was a fabulous new hair style. She called me in glee, futzing in the mirror feeling young and spry. She admitted she had had this hair cut, back in her twenties and the flirt and flare of it was making her feel that young again. We laughed, joked around and talked about how little things like that mean a lot when the bigger birthdays creep up.

Feeling great, she donned on some heels, new red lipstick  and called a babysitter to surprise and somewhat ambush her husband with her new look. We giggled as she anticipated the atmosphere of romance and quickly got off the phone for a night of thrill between the sheets.

Around 11:30  I noticed that she was online ….   curious, I e-mailed  and asked what she was doing on the computer?..  Why was she not in the throws or passion and interlude with her hubby?..  She laughed, replying, "  Mission complete" .

I fell off my chair laughing. She was on the couch, under a blanket watching one of the shows she taped and resting, letting  me know she had crammed a month of romance into two hours…that’s 40 for ya!

Standing on my soapbox, JB

Last month I turned 40. My first-born son (now five) spent a full week away from home, fishing and camping with his grandparents, and my youngest daughter basically potty trained herself in a matter of days. His new independence and her new confidence have been a bit of a heart-tugger for me, as my babies are longer babies anymore. Combined with the few extra wrinkles I have noticed, the sagging buttock and the fact that these days I prefer to nap whenever I have a few minutes, the passing of time seems very noticeable.

Of course a number is just a number and it really is all about how we feel inside, so I have to admit I’ve been feeling less than forty, but more worked over than ever. I don’t look like those forty years olds I remember as a young woman, yet nor do I have the fresh-face skin and ‘living in the Hamptons’ look either.

These last few years of glorious mommy hood have been a complete life-changing experience, and although I wouldn’t change a minute of it for the world I can look back and see what a ride it has been. From the sleepless nights to the hormonal fluctuations, from the parenting rules to the rules we too need to have ourselves as parents, from wanting to know everything to throwing our hands up with no clue what so ever, this roller-coaster ride of being a mom has been one heck of an experience so far!

For those of you who follow soapbox, you may have noticed that this mommy sort of disappeared lately. My know-it-all, do-it-all, get-it-done ‘fuse’ just fizzled out. All the chores, tasks, demands, and things I had to do just took on a life of themselves and it was my blog that had to give. At times I was remorseful, disappointed, and angry that I had no time to update and connect with all of you. At other times I understood that life was asking me to prioritize, clear my plate, and refocus. Like the babe learning to walk, I had to re-find and re-define my way to make me important. That meant health and happiness came first, joy and laughter second, peace and harmony third, and all the unnecessary items were deleted.

Now, through the thick of it, I can look back and see how we moms easily overload ourselves with tremendous amounts to do, work ourselves ragged, and extend ourselves too far. When that happens, something has got to give and too often it is our own health, our own goals and our own peace of mind. Having been there and back, I simply wanted to share my experience. I wanted to reach out and express that I suspect every one of you reading this has done more than you ever imagined juggling motherhood, working, taking care of everyone and everything.

Unlike writing a blog, motherhood has no time off, there is no down time and there is no disappearing. Although we may be able to drop things, reorganize and take time off other duties, the role we have as moms is all encompassing. The key is to find balance, moderation and things that allow us to rest, rejuvenate and restore ourselves.

I saw a great article on the 50 ways to be happy, but with moderation in mind I thought I would only start by sharing the first 10. Not to be inundated nor overwhelmed… this is a good start towards some of the positive thinking and action steps that will support me and you result in a more balanced day:

1. Stop behaving badly. We know the things we do that are not good for us, make us feel bad about ourselves – stop doing those things. Do what feels right.

2. Moderate everything. Too much of anything is bad for us. Know when to say enough is enough.

3. Stop procrastinating. Chunk it down, do one thing right now that you have been putting off.

4. Face it. You know what you avoid and what negative activities help you escape. Make a plan to face it – head on. Get help if you need it. But, deal.

5. Forgive. It is not about letting them off the hook. It is about you, stop carrying that weight around with you. The load will crush you.

6. Laugh. Lots. At anything and everything, for no reason at all. Have a tickle fight, watch movies, do what you have to do to evoke deep belly laughs.

7. Dance. By yourself, with children or with others. Just dance, bounce, bop – move.

8. Do something wild. Something that you have always wanted to do, but fear held you back. (Keep it legal, people.)

9. Get quiet. Meditate, pray, breathe. Quiet your mind for as long as you can each day.

10. Decide. Stagnation works against you. Make the decision that is right within the depths of your soul.

So after what I am calling my ‘Super Mommy Sabbatical’, a rest from doing just too much, I emerge happier, healthier and clearer. I find myself focusing on what is important to me, what makes me feel good and what allows me to be more of who I am. No more taking on too much and no more burnout from lack of balance. No more getting lost in all the stuff to do, but rather enjoying doing stuff. Now I include in my days that which makes my heart sing, that which is just for me. Combining this with the joy that I receive from my children, family and friends is essential!

What does this mean to all of you? Well, I’d like to welcome myself back to Soapbox, to a part of me I love, enjoy and cherish. With moderation in mind, I look forward to sharing more of the next phase of my mommy hood. My son started school full time in the fall, my daughter is taking ballet. There are no more diapers, bottles, or baby talk in my daily routine. The high chair, diaper pail and plastic bibs are gone. This is that next step that comes too quick for every mom, but one that I am thrilled to embark upon and share with each of you. Thank you for your understanding and support.

What is essential to include in your days? What is it that makes your heart sing, what is it that you could find some time to do – just for you?

Standing on my Soapbox, Jb