This weekend we dashed out after dinner to get in a few minutes at the playground before the sun went down. With two kids, my husband and I do the typical tag team parenting; him with one child, me the other and then we switch back and forth.

It was a beautifully sunny day and the playground was filled with other parents and kids for my children to play with. As I helped my daughter navigate the plastic rock formation to the top of the slide, I looked over to see where my son and husband were playing. As I scanned the area, I noticed that there were eight dads and only two moms there, me being one of them.

There was everything from the goofy dad that was chasing his two-year-old daughter around, pretending to play hide and seek, to the dad with his full on manly instructions on how his four-year-old could make it across the monkey bars. To the one still in his business suit, talking on his cell as he robotic-ally pushed his 15-month-old on the baby swing.

The other mother there was with her husband and twins…they too doing the tag-team parenting thing. When I pointed out to my husband that the playground was full of dads, he responded by saying, ” sign of the times hey?”

Is it a sign of the times? Well, according to my own mother, my husband is a saint in her eyes for all the time he spends with our kids. Whenever he changes a diaper, my mother is so impressed, if she calls on the phone and hears dad is giving them a bath she will go on for 10 minutes how lucky I am. When I tell her my husband took the kids swimming or to hockey, she just cannot get over what a great Dad he is…I of course roll my eyes. I mean really…what is the big shocker that a father is taking care of the k ids whom he helped create?

She loves to tell me how in her era, the fathers never did anything. That my dad never changed a diaper, got up with me in the middle of the night or made me my lunch. She just cannot believe how fortunate I am that I have a husband who is willing to do all those things…did I mention I roll my eyes.

Every day I see dads pushing strollers, carrying babies in slings, burping, feeding and yes changing diapers. It seems fathers HAVE evolved over the last forty years. Men are taking an active interest in the full-time job of parenting. They want to be a part of every moment and yes that includes all the “un-fun” stuff our moms were left doing. Happily, for this generation, Dads are adding their own parenting elements, their unique perspective and ultimately creating a bond possibly I never was able to nurture with my father because he was in the generation that had to wait outside at the delivery room to be introduced to his child.

So next time your hubby leaves the diaper on the floor (like mine), or the lid off the kids toothpaste, or does not do the bedtime routine the way you do, think for a second that at least he is doing something. That there was a time that men didn’t do any of that, it was all up to the moms, and be thankful for his help.. and thankful you didn’t have kids forty years ago…

Standing on my Soapbox, JB

Take a look at this great article from everythingmom.com

While over two thirds of couples experience profound marital disillusionment after the arrival of their first baby (Gottman & Gottman, 2007), it seems that marital distress is too taboo to talk about in most social circles. Two thirds of couples struggle in their marriages and next to no one talks about it. How did we get into this mess? A recent episode of the televised drama Desperate Housewives began with a dinner party scene that was at once intimate and disquieting. Two couples appeared to be relishing in the comfort of candlelight, quiet music, exquisite cuisine, and good conversation. The lovely evening went south the very moment the conversation settled on the personal topic of the flawed marriages of both the hosts and the guests. The ubiquitous narrator admonished, “if you want to throw a successful dinner party there are certain rules that must be followed… the number one rule for a successful dinner party: keep discussion of your marriage to an absolute minimum!”

While this ‘rule’ may serve to keep soiree conversation superficially pleasant, it contributes to the needless shame that many couples experience when marital bliss turns to marital disillusionment following the transition to parenthood. Societal norms dictate that we portray our marriages as the epitome of contented happiness regardless of the fact that marriage-after-baby-carriage always involves exhaustion and often involves arguments about fair division of labour at the expense of romance, connection, and intimacy. When not permitted to speak a word of their marital woes, couples are left with the unappealing option of sacrificing honesty and authenticity so as to create the façade of a thriving marriage. Consequently, many couples struggle through the early parenting years thinking that all other couples are infinitely happier in their marriages.

What can we do to help each other? Perhaps the next time you are in the company of close friends and you pick up on even the slightest hint of marriage distress, resist the urge to change the topic at breakneck speed, and ask, “how could we be helpful?” Or, honestly share something from your own personal experience of being married with kids “we’ve struggled with that too…” And, should you find yourself, experiencing marital strain, resist the tendency to keep all of the suffering to yourself. Know that others have been there too and reach out with questions about lessons learned, “If you had just one piece of advice for us, what would it be?” As a community of moms, we have a huge capacity to be helpful to each other. We are at times, quite ingenious at easing the strain in other areas of our lives—car pools, community meal preparation, play-dates, and cookie exchanges. How can we put our heads together to tackle this unspoken challenge of keeping conversation about marriages real? Perhaps the true measure of a dinner party’s success lies not in the extent to which rules are followed but in the extent to which guests are able to be authentic in their commiserating and collaborating. When perpetuating a façade for the sake of saving others a moment of awkwardness, couples deprive themselves of opportunities to lean on others for support; to benefit from learning that they are not alone in their struggles; and to collaborate about solutions for strengthening marital relationships. The façade in a word is, futile.

About the Author

Amy Marshall RN MN and mom of two, is founder of The Relationship Resource. She offers marriage-strengthening education and consultation services to expectant couples and couples who are parenting young children. Amy believes that strong marriages serve as the foundation for families that experience resilience, health, and happiness. She also recognizes that more than two thirds of couples experience significant struggles with the transition to parenthood. Thus, she endeavors to assist couples to navigate the transition to parenthood with research-based solutions and practical relational savvy.

Standing on my soapbox, JB

Few things leave me speechless as you can tell by my ranks, raves and Soapbox personality, but recently my chin was agaw when I saw the amazing creations Wendy Casey of cakeaters.com made for my kids birthdays.

When my daughter turned two we had just come home from vacation. Her time at the beach meant her life had turned from Dora to Nemo and an underwater themed party was all she wanted. With few instructions and even less details, I simply told Wendy the number of people at the party, the kind of cake I wanted inside and then let her creative mind do the rest, and what a cornicopidia of delight she made. There wasn’t an inch of this cake that wasn’t amazing and awe-inspiring. The kids went wild, the parents gasped, few could resist taking pictures and when all the blue icing and pink coral was eaten, everyone was thrilled to the gills.

Two weeks later when my son turned five, Wendy outdid herself again. His latest passion for Lego Batman left me a bit worried. Wendy was excited by the challenge and as you can see, what she made was a master piece. Squeals came from not just the children but the adults as the cake was carried by two sets of strong hands out to the birthday boy.

I had tears in my eyes at the beauty and craftsmanship of the cake, the joy on my son’s face and the fantasy Wendy gave to the party. Of course birthdays are special occasions no matter what the cake looks like, but if you like unique, special and one-of-a-kind, the creations from Wendy never miss the mark. I have known her for almost ten years as she first made my 5 tier, 350-portion wedding cake. Since then she has happily made both cakes for my kid’s baptisms and every birthday in-between. Wendy quit her pass job as a VP of marketing & client services at a large insurance company in order to be home with her kids, and like so many talented entrepreneurs, turned her hobby into a thriving business.

What I love about Wendy (besides how great her cakes taste) is that she shares her talent with others by teaching classes. She told me, ”I love to show people how to do what I do and I don’t keep any secrets!  With the popularity of the “Cake Boss” and “Ace of Cakes” and other cake decorating shows and competitions, people want to learn how to do it.  By the time they finish 8 classes, they are well on their way to producing cakes they’re proud of and happy to serve”. Although I may never be able to achieve her kind of greatness, I think learning a few tips from a master would be super fun and a great excuse to lick a few icing-covered spoons. Of course Wendy would deny any outrageous talent and say that she is just like you and me, just loves making cakes so anyone can do it too.

If you are unsure of exactly what you are looking for, visit her gallery of cakes, just to get a glimpse of some of her magic.  With everything from weddings, to kids, special occasions and cooperate functions, there isn’t a place where one of her cakes doesn’t fit in. I in fact, am always trying to find events and challenges to give her just to have an excuse to see what she will create.

Wendy Casey is truly an exceptional creator, mother, and business woman and I am proud to feature her work and accomplishment on soapboxmama as she is only lady who always impresses me.

If you have a event coming up or think cake making would be fun, contact Wendy and let her wonderful personality bring a bit of cake into your life. Not just a cake that will fill your stomach, but a cake that will fill your memory and heart with lasting wonderment and joy.

Cakeaters creations will make your event or celebration that is more than just a gathering of friends, family and colleagues, but a place and time to relax a bit and remember what we are really living for, the beautiful things in life that create beautiful and lasting memories!

Standing on my soapbox,  JB